(Disclaimer: This is not autobiographical!)
When one speaks of romance or the prospect…mental imagery often includes soft lights, tinkling wine glasses, and mood
music. In all that, my life is lacking. Experience has been a harsh teacher…
After three disastrous marriages I had determined that
life’s future relationships would be sans-men. Ten
years of fulfilling that prophecy left me the 3rd or 5th guest at one
too many parties, so I decided to take the bull by the horns and pursue a
relationship on my terms. But how, at this age—several years beyond retirement—might that happen? I’d made it clear to my friends of my
disinterest in male companionship, so the “I want you to meet” had ended long
ago.
I thought about hanging out in bars, but with one drink I’m
either giggling grossly or crawling around the floor searching for breadcrumbs
to feed the poor. Not an attractive picture for any prospects.
A single’s group perhaps?
But my track record there held no hope.
My one and only experience ended when I told one arrogant guy--who saw
himself as the Pied Piper for all females--that life without him brought the true meaning of salvation. So another option down the tube.
Then I thought of online dating. That would give me some control! None of my friends need know. So I paid my
fee. I entered the website. Wow! I
had no idea so many men enjoyed the same activities. After an hour of perusing the site, I had a
list of seven interests that ALL men love:
1. Walk on the beach; 2. Watch romantic movies; 3. Cook; 4. Shop; 5. Eat
out; 6. Good conversationalist; and 7. Loves to listen. As a career teacher, I recognize plagiarism
when I see it. I could add to their
list…NO ORIGINAL THOUGHTS.
OK, so I’ll look for someone who can at least create a
grammatically correct sentence.
First I had to put my profile together.
Retired from teaching; enjoys walking on the
beach, watching romantic movies and loves to cook...
O crap! While that’s
true for me, it will not be in my profile.
In the end I said I wanted a friendship that could grow as
we discover similar interests. Yeah, pretty vague, I know. Then I clicked the information into my
profile.
I was adamant--I would not obsess over this venture! However, when I met friends for lunch that
afternoon, and they asked what I’d been up to, I had little to
say—well, I took out the garbage and
dusted behind the frig...
I returned to the dating website when I got home. Then I saw him! Nice looking—still had hair and not all of it coming out of his nose; I could
see his belt—slight beer belly but his
shirt covered it well; could express a thought with correct spelling and
grammar. And no walks on the beach or
loves to cook, etc.
The website suggested that if a person looks interesting,
then click on “Interest” and he would see it and respond if he shared
interest. I clicked and quickly shut the
computer!
What if he
responds? What if he doesn’t? What if he’s a stalker or, worse yet, mass
murderer?
The rest of that day was a complete waste. I watched Bones that evening, and could see
the possibility of the show’s scenario in my life—lonely woman beheaded by maniac she’d met on the internet…body
discovered 6 months later…skull never found.
To be continued...
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