Thursday, July 10, 2014

Moments, not words...

In college, I'd sometimes have to do a verbatim for assignments in counseling classes.  I was not good then--I'm not good with verbatim now.  O, of course, there are past, emotionally packed occasions, when I either heard or said words that still ring verbatim-ally in my memory, but they are few.

What I do remember well are moments.  They may come at times when I smell a particular fragrance; or see a color or flower.  I may be watching a movie, tear up, and realize a memory has surfaced that has deep meaning.  Sometimes it's the emotion evoked from hearing a song.

I'm happier remembering moments--though they certainly are not always happy moments.

Hearing the sound of Jennifer's voice as she told me of her cancer diagnosis several years ago.

The emotions I felt as I read the text she sent me this week announcing no cancer cells!

Standing next to Mother's bed when I realized she was gone.  And now, walking into a store and seeing something red and wanting with all my heart to buy it for her.

Watching Kathy hold Sean to breastfeed him in the hospital.

Reaching back to give Curt a thumb's up as we watched Jen and Vic take their vows.

Seeing the ultrasound pictures that told me I had another grandchild on the way.

The music programs at Kathy's academy when her beautiful voice gave me such pride.

Walking across the university campus in Kenya after I'd heard the news of a friend's death in the States--thousands of miles away.

The memories of conversations--not the words--that evoke sorrow and the sense of helplessness because the results could not be changed.

Sensing from Gilly that he was home when he jumped into my car as we left the Humane Society.

Moments--not words.  Emotions and a connection with one's senses.   Understanding that come from such a deep place.

These moments bring meaning to my life--sadness, laughter, love, loneliness, contentment, joy, and gratitude for what they've taught me.

Time stands still best in moments
 that look suspiciously like 
ORDINARY LIFE.

Friday, July 4, 2014

All important conjugation: Have read, Am reading, and Will read...

I love seeing the phrase:  Summer Reading List...because it means there are new, interesting offerings that I may have missed on my Spring Reading List or my Winter Reading List or last year's Fall Reading List.

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book.
                           ---Anonymous
 
I have already begun my SRL.  My first selection:  Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity by Katherine Boo tells a story of the culture of survival that develops amid the greatest poverty in the world. 

There is no such thing as  a moral or an immoral book.  
Books are either well written, or badly written.
     ---Oscar Wilde
 
Another quick purchase at the airport, Daddy's Gone A Hunting by Mary Higgins Clark.  Escape reading when you don't want to get into a chinwag--love that British slang because it's appropriately descriptive--with my seatmate.

Next, a book that attests to my ever-so-slight addiction to Jane Austen:  Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale.  If I admit the premise of the story I may become more-than-a-little embarrassed because, although a fan, I am not a purist, and this story is just another avenue into the romance of her times. 

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies...
The man who never reads lives only one.
---George R.R. Martin
 
I have two books on order:  Northanger Abbey by (none other than) Jane Austen; and The Sandcastle Girls by Chris Bohjalian--another favorite author.   Then, this morning, I got a notice from Bookreads that Jen had read The Girl Who Came Home by Hazel Gaynor.  Sounds interesting, so I put it on hold at the library.

So here I go--again confirming my lifelong addiction.  Every chance I get--and remember I'm retired, so I can make those chances happen--I will find a comfy chair or rest on my patio swing and read...and read...and read.

I sometimes pretend to myself that I have insomnia 
when what I really have is a good book and inadequate respect for tomorrow.
---your e-cards


Saturday, June 28, 2014

Tales of Religious Abandon...



         The other day I had coffee with a friend, and we ended up, in our conversational meanderings, discussing our religious histories.  Ultimately we realized that though our individual journeys have taken us to diverse places, we now see life and its spiritual applications quite similarly.

          I would not presume to share my friend’s story, but I will attempt to enlighten you on some of the finer points of my hodgepodge-ness in religious diversity.

          It really began with my mother’s family—all Irish-drinking--and fun-loving!--Catholics. (I add the “d” word since it brings a greater sense of inclusiveness in their love of the Irish moonshine.)  At a mere six weeks of age, this family kidnapped me to be sure I found my way to the holy water of Catholic christening. 

          A year later, my father’s family--all good, upstanding, Republican protestants—you know, the kind who, after John F. Kennedy was elected knew the pope would reside in the White House within weeks of the inauguration—stole my fat, wiggly body to go before their Presbyterian minister to make sure I didn't end up in pergatory.

          Naturally, on these two occasions, while I was the star, the primary focus, and the diva of the devout—I was also oblivious to any meaning of these industrious attempts at my salvation from eternal damnation.

          By the time I was twelve, we lived in a small town in Ohio.  One cannot ever refer to this village as progressive since there are currently only 200 more on the census than during my childhood years.  That and still just .05% ethnic diversity—you get the picture...  I chose to attend the Methodist church since the pastor loved kids and arranged for hayrides and picnics, or fun get-togethers at the church most every weekend.  A great sales pitch for young people!  When asked if I’d like to join the church, what could I say but of course!   My Catholic mother attended the service—which, by the way, I giggled through because the sprinkled water ran down my neck.  My Protestant father did not attend—I think he was called to the couch for a nap or something.

          At twenty-something years of age, a friend asked me to a Bible Study.  I most reluctantly went…  However about a year later, a Baptist altar call had my name on it—well, that’s what they told me, and who’s not to believe a minister?   This time it was immersion.  No giggling when one’s head is under water.

          A few years later my 5th baptism occurred—into Seventh-day Adventism.  Needs creep into our psyche and we search for ways to find peace or comfort or some kind of tangible answers.  Some work, and some do not.

          All this pontifical activity seems so long ago.   Now the only sprinkling or immersion I participate in is done with a bar of soap or a backyard hose.  And while it’s easy to make jokes about my diverse religious background, I learned from them all.

          The hallmark of my journey now, however, is about recognizing and honoring my own inner wisdom—not touting religious labels and beliefs.  At the end of each day, I hope I've made choices to live with integrity, compassion, joy, the willingness to listen, and the ever-present drive to continue my journey to authenticity. 
     Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. 
                                                                                                                -- Buddha

            
 

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Will Darcy and me...



I got up this morning with little anxiety-producing TO Dos…  Nowhere I had to be, nothing pressing—you know what I mean—or maybe you don’t.  You see, I’m retired.  (The previous statement is admittedly one of braggard-ly-ness because I just love this station in life!)

Back to this morning…  I got up, showered, made my bed and did a few routine tasks so I didn’t feel like a complete slouch. 

And then it began to rain.  A thin drizzle—tiny, widely-spaced drops that barely left a mark on the patio.  Mild humidity brought a not unpleasant chill to the air.  Now, at nearly 4 p.m., the drizzle has increased to full-blown rain and the sky is almost covered in gray-white.  And I’m loving every moment.

It’s a relax-with-a-good-book kind of weather—a climate that southern Oregon doesn’t often experience after June 21.  But it’s here, and it’s glorious. 

My good book today came in a variety of medium:  movies such as—Austenland, a rom-com about living life in the Jane Austen era; Bride and Prejudice, a Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice; and the actual novel itself.  You will at once, no doubt, see that I am a Jane Austen fan.  You couldn’t be closer to the truth!

It’s rather ridiculous, I admit, at my age to fantasize a Darcy—everyone who reads P & P does that…RIGHT??   But I figure he'd be over 200 years old now, so I’d be just a mere teen who might catch his eye…

Yes, yes, all of this is silly, I know.  But I do love a rainy afternoon, and all that comes with it.  I love the coolness; I love hearing the drizzle fall on plants and rooftops;  I love the greenness in the variety of textures in my trees; and  I love the relax-edness of the sight and sound it brings.   

Monday, June 23, 2014

I'm back, well kinda...

Lots going on as summer begins.  That, and writer's block...grrrr.  This morning I read the following poem, and begin to feel centered again. 

Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. 

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. 

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. 

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


Monday, May 26, 2014

Life, Etc. -- Thirty-eight



Megan and Emily flew to Los Angeles the following morning and immediately went to the hospital.  As they walked into her room, Mrs. Meagher opened her eyes and smiled.  Megan leaned down and kissed her mother on the forehead.   “Hi, Mom, Emily and I have come to see you.”  Her mother smiled and took their outstretched hands.

That afternoon, other family members came for short visits.  Laughter could be heard as family stories were repeated.  Her mother rallied and her eyes brightened, but she could no longer speak as a result of the stroke.     

About 7 p.m., Megan suggested they step out and give her mother a rest.  She leaned over and whispered, “I love you, Mother”.  Megan saw her eyes close and her head turn to one side as she felt a slight squeeze from her mother’s hand.

A few minutes later, as the sisters chatted by the door, the doctor walked in to check on his patient.  He leaned down with his stethoscope, then looked at them and said, “She’s gone.”  Megan and her sister kissed their mother’s forehead one last time, and stood holding on to one another. 

The next several days were filled with necessary decisions and arrangements—all made in the face of grief.  Megan’s father appeared strong, but everyone knew it was a cover.  Three days later, a memorial service was held and two days after that, Megan and Emily were back in Maple Village.

On Sunday morning, Megan woke at 8--surprised she'd slept so late, and yet still feeling exhausted.  She immediately thought of her mother—her death just didn't seem real.  Megan had talked with her father the day after their return and he sounded lonely, but encouraged her that he'd made plans to meet with some of his friends for lunch.

Megan walked out onto her deck.  What a beautiful morning!  Yet it seemed a contradiction—everything coming to life, but death so much a part of her current thoughts.   She’d lost friends—all much too young to die; but losing a mother, even at her elderly age was so different.  It left a hole that nothing else would fill.   Megan had shed very few tears, but the void felt far larger than anything else she’d experienced—even her divorce.

Just then her cell phone rang.  Answering she heard Chloe’s voice.  “Megan, I want to invite you and Emily out for lunch today—about 2 if that will work.  I’ve taken the liberty of also inviting Isabelle and Rachel, and Diane and her boys.”  Chloe had gotten acquainted with Diane as they were all helping Isabelle with the bakery.

“We’d love to.  I haven’t even grocery shopped since we’ve been home.  And it will be good to relax and think of something else.”

As she hung up, Emily appeared from her bedroom.  She came up to Megan and gave her mother a hug around the waist.  “Mommie, I feel sad.” 

“Of course, you do, Em.  It’s been a sad few days.  But Chloe has invited us out for lunch, and Diane’s boys will be there too.”

Emily brightened immediately and then looked up at her mother.  “Is it OK to be just a little happy?” 

“Yes, absolutely!  I want you to be happy, and I know Grandma would want that as well.”

When they arrived at Chloe’s house, the others had already arrived.  After hugs and a few tears, the mood changed as they all sat down to eat.  An afternoon of catching up on Isabelle’s bakery, Diane’s new project, and the anticipation of Chloe’s summer art classes all reminded Megan of how intertwined their lives were—and how supportive this group had become.

The next morning at her usual spot on her deck, Megan looked down at the beautiful roses blooming in Clara Elsworth’s yard—red, pink, yellow, orange, lavender—all so lovingly cared for.   Megan’s thoughts went to the get-together at Chloe’s the previous day.  She realized that she, too, was being lovingly cared for at this time.  Her friends were there in every way she could possibly imagine. 

Suddenly Megan wanted badly to talk with her mother—to tell her that she missed her so much, but she would be OK.  She had a family here in Maple Valley.  And right now they were here for her, as a few weeks ago, they had all rallied around Isabelle and would be there again if Roland ever returns. 

As Megan stood looking out over her deck-view of the valley, she had a mental picture of snuggling down in a nest.  This place is my home--my nesting place--and we care for one another.  Isn’t that what life is really about? 

She smiled as she thought of the words of A.A. Milne, spoken through his two famous characters:  “I don’t feel very much like Pooh today,” said Pooh.

“There there,” said Piglet.  “I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.”

            Yes, thought Megan, Life, etc. comes bringing laughter and tears.  She'd make it through this and the other et ceteras that come.  And while in the middle of these et ceteras, tea and honey will do. 

                                                                     The End